Single adopter Heather had always wanted to be a mum and being the oldest of four siblings, she had always felt very maternal.

After attending an information session with her local adoption agency, she found it upsetting to know that older children typically wait longer to find their adoptive family.

Heather remembers thinking that the primary school aged children that she knew were full of energy and fun and she wondered whether she could offer an older child the loving adoptive family they needed.

Whilst Heather was keen to consider older children, she was also worried about whether an older child would be able to form an attachment to her.

Heather’s journey took a year from starting her assessment to being matched with her daughter, who was nearly five at the time and had a genetic difference.

“It’s difficult to describe our bond in words but it is better than I could have imagined. My daughter has responded well to a secure and loving family. I do a number of theraplay activities with her and we have a strong bond.

We have been on holiday together a number of times and she is a joy to spend time with. As an older child we have been able to have open discussions which I think have helped with her trust and attachment to me.”

Heather and her daughter have benefitted from the support of a Therapeutic Social Worker. Heather has been able to seek advice about approaching difficult conversations with her daughter and helping her understand why she no longer has contact with her birth mum and sister. Heather has also enjoyed attending a number of courses through her agency.

Often adopters worry that adopting an older child means missing out on ‘firsts’, but Heather has enjoyed lots of ‘firsts’ with her daughter like experiencing the beach for the first time, going on an aeroplane, starting school, hearing her daughter call her ‘mum’ for the first time and seeing her own family fall in love with her little girl.

“With an older child you’ll probably know more about them and what their needs are. People think babies come with less complications, but I don’t believe that’s true. Maybe their needs aren’t obvious or known, or haven’t developed yet”.

Heather would encourage prospective adopters to be open minded and look beyond the details in a child’s initial profile.

“It’s difficult to explain just how amazing my daughter is and how well we get along”.

Heather’s daughter joined her three years ago and the two of them have recently welcomed a little boy in to their tight knit unit too.

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